2022: WHO TURNED THE CAT OFF – The Regular Features Podcast

Jan 08

472: Samus Aran’s Umpteenth Mince Pie

From our screaming throats to your hungry ears, it’s another episode of Regular Features, the only podcast that’s got us in it. In this episode, Joe chronicles the greatest number you’ve never heard about unless you read the episode title. Steve unlocks an exciting new octave thanks to possible permanent scarring of the larynx. And ... Read more

Jan 16

473: Stephen Hendry’s Piss Bunker

The world is a strange place right now but one constant is that Stephen Hendry is stuck in his panic room. Does he still have the famous yips though? That is one thing we just cannot know. Be safe, Stephen. Album art

Jan 23

474: Winnie The Poop

Hello it’s me, the grape stomping lady who fell out of a bucket of grapes in a viral video from 2007. In this episode of Regular Features, Winnie the Pooh falls into Log’s public domain, and a falling log wins Joe’s public acclaim (which is to say he saw a poop in a TV show ... Read more

Jan 30

475: Baby Was Dump

This week we’ve got all the basic elements you need to make a regular features: Uber.Baby.Vibraphone. Capeesh? Album art

Feb 06

476: Dr Oetker’s Goose Goes To Butlins

There’s a legend around these parts, a legend about a kid who filled his belly button with bird seed and waited in the garden. “Any minute now”, he thought, “a robin will land on my tummy and eat the seed out of my belly button!” But the Robin never came, because the boy kept rolling ... Read more

Feb 15

477: Twilight Bognor Telephone

Please accept this episode as a token of our friendship. If you collect ten tokens you unlock platinum level friendship which is the same as normal friendship except you are allowed to blow raspberries on our bellies while we giggle and cheep like baby birds. WHAT?! In this episode, Joe considers the romance of a ... Read more

Feb 19

478: Cowboy Cable Bunker Boys

WAHP! WAHP! This is an emergency broadcast from the Regular Feautures emergency storm bunker. Hello. How are you? Oh that’s nice. We’re fine thanks, but unfortunately… it is a major emergency!! Storm Eunice has really churned our butter this week, if you’ll pardon the phrase, forcing us to seek shelter in our specialised, reinforced podcasting ... Read more

Feb 27

479: And So To Bed

Ohhhh big stretch. Regular Features is all snoozy and cosy in bed! It is so warm and nice under the Regular Features duvet, we could just stay here forever. Do you want to climb in with us? There’s a space here just for you! Don’t worry about that thing you’ve got to do, just wiggle ... Read more

Mar 04

480: The Magic Convention Special feat. Topas

Gavin and Joe infiltrated a world of alakazams by putting on cloaks and big hats and saying that they knew what a spell was, and now they present to you, the Regular Features reader, a special report on the Blackpool Magic Convention 2022. If, while you read this episode, your whole body falls off, don’t ... Read more

Mar 13

481: Banana Horoscopes Up the Wazoo

Log, Matt and Gav get together to talk horoscopes or should we HORRORscopes??….no, actually horoscopes was correct. Sorry about that.There’s also some stuff about a dog and I think Nish Kumar but I can’t be sure. Album art

Mar 17

482: Regular Features – Origins

Have you ever wanted to know how Regular Features’ greatest stories came to be? Have you ever wondered how Grapesalicious gained her penchant for a piece of pink peppercorn? Or how Buck Pawchucker became mayor? What about how Gav surivived? Well, we answer NONE of these questions in this otherwise origin story-packed ordeal from Steve, ... Read more

Mar 28

483: Search for the Soreen Inside Yourself

https://soundcloud.com/regularfeatures/483-search-for-the-soreen-inside-yourself On this week’s episode Joe, Log and Gav crack some of their famous ‘wise’ about malt loaf, heaven and bees. There’s also some exciting news about The Regular Features Episode 500 Live Show! Album art

Apr 03

484: Celebrity Heaven (with Spiders)

https://soundcloud.com/regularfeatures/484-celebrity-heaven-with-spiders Steve ushers in a new period of respectfulness for the podcast, in which we deal with recent sad news in a fashion that cannot, surely, cause offence. Joe fearlessly takes on the biggest, most blistering incident to dominate the celebrosphere. Log sticks his tongue half out his mouth and talks about sucking off spiders, ... Read more

Apr 16

485: Tell Your Boss

You’ve been very good today so here’s a podcast we made just for you, as a reward. Also, hey, that thing you’re feeling stressed about doesn’t matter, you’re doing great buddy. Keep it up! In this episode, Steve is drafted in as the lord of the dance, Log unearths some horny personal ads from 1992, ... Read more

Apr 23

486: Golden Simpsons Ticket

https://soundcloud.com/regularfeatures/486-golden-simpsons-ticket Well, there’s nothing else for it, we’ll simply have to do another episode of the Regular Features podcast IF IT SO SUITS THEIR HIGHNESS. In this one, Log fails to groom an heir to his publican throne, and Joe mourns the loss of the thing where the continuity guy talks about Hollyoaks over Danny ... Read more

Apr 29

487: Dunst’s Dizzee Flippin’ Rant

https://soundcloud.com/regularfeatures/487-dunsts-dizzee-flippin-rant Well aren’t you just knee high to a horse, you lovely little thing. Let me give your hair a ruffle, oh you’re ever so cu- YOU JUST BIT ME. Why did you bite me? I just came along to tell you what’s in this week’s episode of Regular Features and now I shall have ... Read more

May 11

488: Arcade Fires on a Rowboat

This is episode 488, which in bingo calling is “two fat ladies, married for forty years and still profoundly in love, standing at an easel where the first fat lady is painting a simple watercolour of their pet cat (name of Biscuits) as the second fat lady watches her from behind. The first fat lady ... Read more

May 23

489: Orson Welles’ Mucky Bins

This week the fellas are joined by two very special guests Orson Welles and one other person whom I shall not be naming here lest I rob you of the excitement we all felt in the room when he showed up. Album art

May 31

490: Emotional Wine Spice.wav

This week’s episode of Regular Features is presented, as always, in high-quality .wav format. You make a .wav by walking up the holy mountain and holding your Zune to the sky. A single raindrop will fall into the 3.5mm headphone jack, and a .wav will be shat out. It’s beautiful. This week’s .wav is filled ... Read more

Jun 05

491: Lord of the Ringo Bingo

How did you get in here? This is a supposed to be a private crematorium. You shouldn’t be riding your penny farthing around the crematorium honking on that antique horn of yours. Watch out for that pile of unburnt cadavers! Oh no, you’ve knocked them all over and their toe tags got all mixed up ... Read more

Jun 13

492: Laser Goblin

Four score and Michael Barrymore. Sorry, that’s all I’ve got. Thanks for reading this bit. In this episode, Gav looms over us like a ghost, Steve’s got laser eye surgery, and Log’s a mean little goblin with a mission to pang the queen, That’s right, PANG! We love you.