224: The Crown Pooch Strangle Dangle
Log celebrates his birthday. Steve invites you aboard Flight 2017. And Joe recounts the time Lord Heseltine never even strangled a dog. Apologies for the clipping on this one, but we all had very large mouths and lungs this day.
225: A Journey Through Tims and Face
Matt knows about Dinosaurs, Gav punches a man in his face, Joe is there so I suppose he deserves some sort of credit for that.
226: Vin Diesel’s Poo Poo Sticks Startup
Joe gets a foreign email, Matt’s doing a startup, Gav’s seen a film and Log an art curator now. Lovely.
227: Big Boy Bee Bar Brexit
We’ve got a real nostalgic treat for you this week as Steve “Volcano Paedophile” Hogarty for his first episode after a long, long, long absence. Also Matt and Log were there.
228: Protesting Instagram’s Dirty Parlour Pranks
We refuse to be sad by continuing to bring comedy to you in these troubling times with the help of the God of Pranks.
229: Chalky Old Men, Trumpy Babies
I can’t believe it but we managed to fit your four absolute favourite things into a single podcast this week: political chicanery, time travel, babyfury, and gypsum. Gee baby, ain’t we good to you.
230: Two Sad Men Kidnap Rocky
In what has become an annual Valentine’s tradition, Matt & Gav get in a room and talk about their sad lives. (Gav mentions this story at the end of the podcast which you should read: iwillpayonepoundforyourstory.blogspot.co.uk/201…tml)
231: Playing Basketball With a Racist Cock
Hey Hey! Who wants to hear a podcast about Gav’s weird penis, Joe’s love of basketball and Log’s new house?
232: Joe or Gav? You Decide
COME ON MAKE YOUR GOD DAMN MIND UP
233: Lots of Death LIVE at The Canal Cafe Theatre
Guys…we reckon this is EASY one of our Top 6 podcasts ever.
234: Silly Squid’s Birthday Church
That is the sound of an owl AND one of those party blower birthday trumpets and if that’s not the best summation of this episode then perhaps you would care to imagine a church doing push-ups.
235: Broke Straight Beasts
Hello love, eat up this delicious podcast pie we’ve made if you don’t quite mind. INSIDE: Gavin escapes from New York. Matt inflicts a bad television show upon himself and you. And Steve gender-swaps a ripe old Disney stinker. Poop poop! (That’s a train sound btw) This is a link to it!
236: Choose Your Own Brexit
Matt and Log and Steven unite on the eve of “Britain’s Worst Decision Since Spam” for a flurry of Brexit-related tosh.
237: Live with Puppets and Popes
Log takes us on a puppet-based snooker adventure, Joe has been watching terrible things, Steve wants us to visit a pyramid I think, and Matt walks into a teleportation device.
238: And the BAFTA for Best Bircher Goes To…
Listen, Gav forgot he was editing this episode until THE SECOND YOU’RE READING THIS. If we say anything bad about anyone, do us a favour and don’t tell anyone, yeah?
239: Learn To Speak Welsh Rabbit
Matt watched Watership Down and now he loves rabbits. Gav teaches unwilling students to speak French or Welsh or something. Steve continues to fascinate.
240: The Regular Features Book Club
Joe solves a viral mystery. Log laments fart injustice. Both read other people’s books instead of really putting the work in. Gav attends.
241: Escaping Victoria Wood’s Heimlich Festival LIVE
This week’s episode ends with a feature that’s good enough to show your Mum…especially if she looks like Victoria Wood.
242: Oh La La Mon Booby Gauche
In this episode, Steve gives you hot praying tips. Log bids farewell to Marine Le Pen. Joe tells the harrowing story of a man he met who bellowed an entire scream into the sky. At one point in this episode we say “homonym” when we in fact meant “homophone”, d’oh!!! We love you!
243: The Gavin Murphy Special
You’ve heard him, you’ve smelled him, he’s probably touched you. It’s the best of Gavin John Bachgen-Gors Murphy, Regular Features’ most reliably violent member. AND THAT’S JUST HIS DI-
244: Collapsing Cum and Tory Scum
Matt has been on HONEYMOON, Joe wants to rekindle things with an old friend, and Log has a quiz so you can work out what type of Conservative voter you are.
245: Good Boys With Bad Haircuts
What happens when good boys get bad haircuts? Find out in this thrilling 245th episode of the podcast professors are calling “immensely fruity”.
246: Escaping Houdini’s Van
Joe, Steve & Gav try their best to escape from a van that once belonged to Houdini. If you fancy trying The Escape Mobile for yourself, you can follow it around: theescapemobile.com/ Tell them Regular Features sent you and get a free padlock!
247: This One’s Just Log and Steve
Sorry, this one’s just Log and Steve talking for absolutely ages about these four things exclusively: – Idle animations– Roger Helmer– Whales– Salad Hope you’re having a nice day!
248: Big Boys’ Nude Legs No Go
Log, Steve and Joe got together, took their shorts off and shouted into a microphone for just ages. Enjoy.
249: Kenyan Arsehole Assessment
Gav is in Kenya. No one knows why. Honestly it probably doesn’t even matter.
250: The Quarter Millennium Live Show
250 episodes and we still haven’t found a feature worth repeating. There’s only one thing for it…to carry on our brave search for ANOTHER 250 EPISODES!! (but we’re definitely stopping after that)
251: Makes Meow Difference To Me!
We’ve gone cat crazy in this, the episode of Regular Features that features precisely one feature about cats. This week, Steve reviews several cats from a documentary he watched while cradled in the arms of fellow film critic and large-bladdered silver fox Mark Kermode. And Matt takes us all on the speed chase of a ... Read more
252: Dr. Caveman’s Overture
Matt goes to France, gets sexy with cavemen, and eats pubes, I think. Gav enthralls canaries and writes totally original music. Log represents billions of men by hating this one woman.
253: The Tribunal of J. V. Skrebels
Joe deleted the real podcast this week, so Gav went full Judge John Deed on his lilywhite ass. Meanwhile, Log bought a dog with his mum.
254: Nick Clegg’s Semi-Automatic Arsehole
LIVE SHOW! Joe does a Doctor Who thing because he has ulterior motives, Steve reads Wikipedia, Matt is furious about a man who had a gun, Log brings Nick Clegg back into relevance, and Gav continues to use the podcast as a means of advertising his frequently hairless arsehole.
Log embarks on a multi-part science-fiction feature-epic, the future of which lies in your hands. Steve imagines a world in which Godzilla’s big ol’ dong has a happy holiday, and Matt wonders what it might be like if will.i.am were a penguin. Can you even imagine? No need! We imagined for you.
256: Four Naughty Boys, a Birthday Girl & The Kill Room
Log n Steve bring the funnies while Joe n Gav kidnap their colleague Alanah who celebrated her birthday with the boys in an abattoir. You can follow Alanah here: twitter.com/Charalanahzard
257: Dank Handclap’s Big Boi Adventures
On this week’s episode, Gav reveals some American football naughtiness while Steve n Log get all hot n bothered by the continuing adventures of Quantick Meridian.
258: Blobbybaking, Blobbypornography, Blobbybirthdays LIVE!
– Steve: Read parental pornography– Joe: Lied about Bake Off– Matt: Plagiarised Sliders– Log: Attacked an allergic man with Nutella The charges were all dropped. Nice picture by @GaryDooton. GO AWAY.
259: Kenrod Basillica’s Underground Bangs
Joe takes us on a journey of TFL joy, Technology Journalist Steven Hogarty explains the hot new features on the iPhone X, and Kenrod Basillica interviews the latest musicians on the musician scene.
260: David Attenborough’s Shite With Destiny
This is what happens when Joe n Gav sit too close to each other for 13 hours every day. Luckily, Matt was on hand with an actual feature about some space gun game.
261: Mogg & Log’s Sexy Stories
Have you ever noticed how much ‘Mogg’ sounds like ‘Log’? And how both of them *kinda* sounds like cob? Good, innit?
262: Elon’s Record-Breaking Uber Hog LIVE
Gav, Joe, Log and Steve perform exactly 11 features. Sound impossible? Shut up, you don’t know ANYTHING.
263: The Chilean Miners Assault Quantick Meridian
Is this the end of Quantick Meridian?! Where are the Chilean miners now?! Does Gav finally get the twatting he deserves?! Find out the answers to these questions and more in this week’s episode.
264: Return of the Hog
Steve holds fort as Gav rides around Italy on a mean old hog and Log dispenses Nottingham-wisdom, an oxymoron if ever there was one, am I right *opens Google Maps*… SHEFFIELD?
265: The One Where Joe Gives Us A Sex Drug
A prodigal Joe gives everyone a strange Japanese potion, which sends the podcast freewheeling into a debilitating, but entirely legal, erotic reverie. There’s a feature about Gremlins and another about Nixon doing a crime with a space shuttle, but both are overshadowed by a pervading and all-consuming sense of engorgement. We’re so sorry.
266: The Modern Spooky
Whoa nelly! That’s a big pumpkin. What is it, full of SOULS? That’s just the kind of exciting garbage you can expect on this, a thrilling 2nd November special. You think the No Sleep podcast is good? *waits for response* Well they’re a paper boat baby, and we just jumped into the pond, screaming and ... Read more
267: The Gingerbread Mambo Queen of eBay LIVE
We’re sorry it’s late, it’s just that we’re absolute idiots.SPOOKS! CUBAN DANCE RHYTHMS! SHOE FETISHISM! SWAN MURDER! REGULAR FEATURES? REGULAR FEATURES.
268: Log’s Big Job Interview
Steve cruelly turned down a job as Gav and Joe’s Associate Hot Ass Provider – but we’ve headhunted a new candidate with the hottest ass in Nottingham. Will he make the grade???
269: Robbie Williams’ Mushroom, Reviewed
Travel back to 2002 for a song lyric examination, then back to 2017 for some bang up-to-date film reviews, and then to the FUTURE OF MUSHROOMS.
Hey grumblecakes, why you lookin’ so down? Perhaps you’d like to drape this hot towel of a podcast over your face and allow our comedy steam to open your audience pores? Yeah, you’d like that wouldn’t you. You’d like the evaporating fun to cool your listener skin, and create a pleasant sensation known only as ... Read more
271: Now! That’s What I Call Dog Prison
2 boys, 5 features, no borders, one love, 99 luftballons. Wight wonders of the world
272: Driving Home for 69s With Santana
A Christmas Live Show! (Video here: ) Steve revisits The House of Kramble, Log takes a journalistic deep-dive into the shadowy world of Bingo, Matt sings a lovely Christmas song, and Santana returns with the spirit of festive cheer, which he illegally stole from a nursing home in Stoke.
273: Sweet Doreen’s Badash Song
We bought a load of dead celebrities off eBay and ate them. Think that sounds sad? Well, it is.
274: A Hometown Duet of Shit and Death
Steve sings a Christmas classic, Gav gives a windy tour of his hometown, Matt celebrates the legacy of Gaz Coombes, Log is having a bloody awful week, and Joe wants to get you in the NEW YEARS MOODS.