STAR WARS! NOTHING BUT STAR WARS! except for bits with presents and pool tables and Jesus
We’re back in our monthly live slot in North London, and this time Matt’s got an actual FEATURE. It’s still a bit weird though, so keep your shoes on Susan. Steve talks with a PR about a magical cup, Log has designed a new wave of hot merch, and Gav is a famous internet troll. ... Read more
This week’s episode contains scenes of incompetence which may be alarming or distressing to young children. Please take care when ingesting this episode.
Where is the truth? Who wants the truth? Come and get a bottle of warm truth!
Matt has a quiz about pancake facts, Gav is a victim of profiling on a plane, and Log wins an award for having the UK’s best pub sign.
What’s that thing where people go on stage and read out bits from their old diaries and cry while getting laughed at? This is like that but more pathetic.
It’s Log. It’s Steve. It’s Log and Steve. The two of them. Together! Just having fun and talking out loud. There’s a bit about Pret, and there’s a bit about Hitler’s moustache, and there’s a belated sad story from Steve. And the cobbywobby man returns. It’s all in here!
Steve imagines a world in which we are firemens, Matt imagines a world in which the queen fabricates Russian-guage rail from her anus, and Log fails to write a Kinky Boots feature and tries to have a conversation instead
Log has been roughed up something rotten, Steve has some puns about Morrissey, Gav went to a theme park where they shove rubber piping up your bum-hole, and Matt has turned into Guy Ritchie. Watch the video version here:
Who’s ya chap? Matt’s ya chap! Lees is the fella. The tree feller! Lees the Trees! A sweller fella I couldn’t describe, and if you love him as much as they say you do down the Liberal Club, you won’t be sycamore of his features than you usually get. He’s acorny guy sometimes, but he’s ... Read more
Matt has been to virtual worlds, Steve has been to the actual world, and Log deals with emotional complexity in the only way he’s apparently able.
Look, we’re full-grown adults with big boy jobs – you CANNOT expect us to know the difference between LITTLE Mo and BIG Mo. We’ve got a lot on. Shut up.
Log invents The Joe-Down, Steve invents Wrestling, Joe invents Murder, and Matt invents Weddings. Everyone has a nice time, and then goes downstairs for a nice drink.
Matt updates Gav on a bit of missed business, Gav explains that he knows about wrestling by asking the other boys some questions, and Steve sings a number of songs about whales.
Matt brings the Anglican, Steve brings a partial Mowgli, and Log brings a feature so singular bad that he has to obscure it and add a second feature in post. Now if you’ll excuse me, I can smell kidneys, and I need to ask someone if that’s a symptom of a disease
IT’S NOT A JOKE. IT’S TWO WORDS THAT SOUND SIMILAR. Matt brings his first ever Game of Thrones script *in this context*, Log teaches us all the manners we’ll ever need, and Gav gives us a cutting edge report from the very brink of celebrity. What’s that in your pocket? It is us!
This week’s episode was best described by Gav as “essentially a man melting on stage and still managing to be brilliant.” Team Features roll onto stage at the end of a Bank Holiday Monday, unsurprisingly a little worse for wear. Wonderful/shambolic. Apologies for the audio quality this week – the setup at the venue wasn’t ... Read more
Do you like books? If you like books so much, why don’t you fuckin marry one? Haha. Did you hear what I said, lads? I said they should marry a book? Nah, they didn’t have a clue what hit ’em. Idiots.
In fact, it was Matt having a dicky tummy that put the kaibosh on this episode. He was worried about “shitting himself” on the tube. Still, you’re hardly likely to complain when there’s a dead old lady involved, are you? Poor old lady, all dead like that. The last days, lying curled in bed, her ... Read more
Open your Thermos and pour yourself a cup of hot Jesus soup – you’re one slimy nudge away from listening to Episode 192 of Regular Features! Gav records a conversation on a bus in which there are no heroes, Steve reprises an episode of that TV show that’s on those box set ads at the ... Read more
The indomitable Matt and his wretched friends strike again. Log tells us about what if dogs were in charge of a cafe. Steve knows all of the names of wild garlic and refuses to share. And through brute force of imagination Matt conjures a world in which yoga is like Pokemon gyms.
Steve eats butterflies and bees LIVE ON STAGE, Log hugs a man forever, Matt has written some weird shit about staplers, and Gav invents the prank phonecall. Watch the Video!
We keep giving a platform to regular guest Joe Skrebels and he keeps showing us up by being brilliant. What an arsehole.
Log and Matt solve everything wrong with the world of politics in the Regular Features EU Referendum special. We also probably alienate about 50% of the country, but fuck it.
This week has been rubbish. It was hard to do this but we thought we’d clear out all our sadness ready for the live show. Come and be sad with us.
You know ‘Netflix & Chill’, ye? What about if someone said ‘Netflix and CHILCOT’. Can that be an entire podcast? Well, we’ll just have to see.
It is one whole episode before a one with lots of zeroes in, so hoik up your britches and wade on in to taste the tang, captain. This episode of the Regular Features podcast has Steve talking about space, and Log talking about what if what you would do if given the choice to wank ... Read more
We celebrated Episode 200 with lots of booze and personal space invading. Also, we did a live show and this is THAT. It got pretty weird and wild so if there’s anything you don’t understand either ask an adult to explain it to you or watch the video version:
Always with our fingers on the pulsing muscle of popular culture, this week we imploded into a zeitgeist heavy podcast which suspiciously features every single thing you’ve seen on top of the BBC news site in the last 7 days. Hmmmmm.
Joe and Steve start a feature war! Well, it’s more like feature ping pong but we won’t tell anyone if you don’t!
What if the Gaviscon man met the Bonjela man inside of a mouth? What if Log had a list of lies he’s made up about how the new banknotes work? Stop wondering what the answers are, we’ve got them for you right here and it will be way more disappointing that anything your brilliant brain ... Read more
We recorded this podcast in a boiling hot room, and truth be told, it shows.
Some like it hot, but I don’t know who those people are and I don’t much care for them. In this episode Steve dodges leprosy but crashes into a woman with his bike, Joe sidesteps civil behaviour and invades a woman’s privacy on a train, and Log sheds his corporeal form to become a legally ... Read more
This was recorded live at the Canal Cafe Theatre where unfortunately technical issues meant the recording got ruined so the only one we’ve got is this shonky version. This should serve as a reminder that our live shows are best experienced LIVE. Be a part of the next three by purchasing a ticket from here, ... Read more
Team Features is in rude health this week, by which we mean we went into a hospital and trumped on all the coma patients. Steve invents a solution for sex in the 22nd century, Joe releases the health records of the US presidential candidates, and Log presents his pilot’s license or a pilot season or ... Read more
Yeah, you read that correctly. What a fuckin pisstake.”
Gav continues along his downward spiral, a sad mess of quiche and violence that can never be stopped.
Can you believe we haven’t been nominated for a Games Media Award this year? Us, the BEST VIDEO GAMES PODCAST IN THE WORLD.
Hey! It’s a lovely live show from four men who really should know better.
Steve heroically soils himself on public transport in a graceful act of raw and empowering incontinence. Matt’s been crawling around in the mud with the mussels, if that’s where mussels live. And Log, well boy oh boy, he certainly did sit there are contribute in droves. We hope you enjoy. We have two live shows! ... Read more
Joe started out trying to make the podcast better, then just invented a better podcast. Steve and Log feel events from their lives have been stolen by Black Mirror, which is *just the kind of thing* that would happen in Black Mirror if you just STOPPED to THINK for a SECOND you total SEXMANIAC. Log ... Read more
You’ve just downloaded an audio recording of a man gifting masturbatory eggs to his friends in a busy pub in London, you absolute deviant. I’m calling the actual police.
This podcast was recorded the night BEFORE the US election, so you can listen to it and go back to a time before the world turned to darkness and ash.
We got a man in Japan and a man on the streets of the US of A to try and make some sense of this crazy world.
In this episode of the Regular Features podcast, Log and Steve are joined by Sarah Morgan, who is a woman, a fact that did not escape us as we neglect all other aspects of her being to interminably explore her frankly extraordinary gender. Steve goes to Brussels to sort everything out using pedestals. Log buys ... Read more
We recorded this one much later than we usually do. Do you think it’s better or worse? It doesn’t matter either way because it’s happened now, so….
Three men. Three eggs. Three sexual organs in desperate need of release. Two of your ears listening to all of what that entails. There’s one bit where Steve ACTUALLY goes and ACTUALLY does a white wee-wee into an ovoid ovum. We are progressive and we will not be censored.
MERRY KRANGLEMAS AND GOOD WILLIES TO ALL MEN AND ALL WOMEN TOO SURE WHY NOT.The boys return to the Canal Cafe Theatre for another live Christmas special, full of delights and surprises and delights. Appearing in podcast feeds soon soon soon!
Matt and Log and Steve reminisce about the better days of Final Fantasy, get stuck in a leisure centre, and find clues in a go-go-dancer’s dick, because obviously.
Santa’s royally cocked up this year and forgot to deliver these three extra special feature presents straight to your audio stockings.