396: Stephen Hendry’s Birthday Turnips

Don’t you just hate it when you get a duff Kinder Egg and the capsule is just full of matted old hair? Sure, you could try to prop the wiry tuft up next to your completed collection of Tiny Terrapins and pretend that all is well, but it just doesn’t fit in, and to be frank, it stinks of petrol.

Anyway. In this episode, Log recalls the times he met Joe, Steve recalls the time Stephen Hendry was trapped inside his own panic room, and Matt goes nips deep in the stalk market. Hell’s bells, let’s do this.

395: Horns ‘n’ Hooves

Here’s a nice little edible arrangement for you. BITE into Log’s feature about competitive horniness. SUCKLE on Joe’s story of an elk in a department store. NIBBLE on Steve’s heart-wrenching tale of horseloss. Then give us your biggest smile, because you’re on camera baby.

We’re watchin ya!

394: The Baby Is Always Bigger On The Other Side

You know how you can revive a sleepy bee with a tiny teaspoon of sugar water? That works on us too.

In fact, why don’t you come round when this is all over and pipette some of that sweet shug-shug into our glug-glugs to give us the pep we need to get going in the morning? You have our express permission to appear by our bedside before dawn and intubate us with the holy syrup our bodies demand. It’s what friends do.

In this episode, Steve defrauds Catchphrase and Gav has clapped eyes on a big baby. Things may never return to the way they were.

Love you.

393: Rainbow Boy Workout

It’s more important than ever to keep your mind and body in tip top shape, so this week we bring you the full spectrum of mental and physical stimulation. Log titillates your retinals with his rainbow reviews, Joe speculates your imaginationoids with the peculiar views from his kitchen window, and Steve supplicates your glutinates with his intensive home workout routine.

Thanks for everything.

392: Blue Tick Bingo 5G Zoom Scam

Log runs us through his Zoom meeting bingo card, Steve is torn to shreds by the irradiating power of 5G masts, and Gav concludes the saga of his encounter with a blue tick scammer.

This one gets *messy* towards the end, and for that we apologise, but all this social distancing malarkey makes us thirsty for friendship and vodka. Take us as we are, and never try to change us.

391: Verified Tiger King

No need to pack your tiger for this one, because this episode’s got loads of them just lying around for free. Tigers in the rafters. Tigers in the floorboards. Tigers in the void between the walls. An entire tiger compressed into a bread bin who smiles at you when you open it in search of, well, it’s gotta be tiger bread.

It’s tiger mania here in episode 391 the Regular Features podcast, PLUS a Gav feature about an Instagram scam gone very right.

390: Animal Crossing Tips & Tricks

Hello again, it’s us, dem boys with dem fancy teeth who keep comin round to fill up your brain with our special noises. In this episode, Log has tips and tricks for pivoting to pizza delivery, Steve has tips and tricks for when it is appropriate to be in the outside, and Joe has tips and tricks for the new video game about the horrible animals.

Stay safe and wet those hands.

389: Moustache Rationing

Due to a bad smell going around we’re all locked indoors, so this week we bring you the first ever episode of Regular Features recorded using telephones and HTTP. If anyone ever called a bellend a “ham bell”, then at this point I would write “we put the ham bell back into Alexander Graham Bell,” but nobody calls it that so I won’t.

Gav has all the latest rationing hysteria from Facebook, Joe’s top lip has gotten all hirsute and nice, and Steve delivers his top tips fer werkin ferm herm. Stay safe everyone.

387: The Lambshank Reduction

You’ve got a lot of nerve showing your face around here after what you did last week, buster. But since you’re here we might as well snuggle into your earholes, on account of how warm it in inside your head.

In this episode, Gav puts the doof in Dufresne, Steve gives proper hand washing instructions, and Joe attends heroically.