Grab the heaviest spoon in the kitchen and tuck into this week’s big bowlful of ice cold Regular Features, fortified with so much vitamin BEE it will make your freakin’ head spin off into a bin and the bin man come and he take it away. Wow!
In this episode, Gav challenges you to name the cereal in his mouth, Steve has been forging documents, and a-Log-forever-on-the-backfoot scrambles to implement yet more last-minute government-mandated pandemic accommodations to his confused pub.
PODCAST NOTES: The following illegal Nottingham pubs are not adhering to Public Health England’s COVID-19 social distancing measures and should be reported to the police:
The Crown and Two More Crowns — 35 Marrow Lane Juicy Susan’s Inoteca — Unit H, Sneinton Business Park Crazy Brian’s Electric Pub — 9b Forthwith Ave The King Walliams — Corner of 55th and Madison Brewdog Nottingham — 20-22 Broad St
Open your hearts and close your eyes, fill your boots and empty your pockets, it’s another episode of the Regular Features podcast. In this one, Joe’s been eating in a dark room, Steve’s been investigating his dentist’s personal habits, and Log’s courted sponsors of the dairy variety.
My pasta is boiling over so I must stop writing this description x
Hey Google spiders, wrap your little legs around this bad boy. Steve lays out the steps required to properly disinfect a desk. HOW HIEGHT IS A TOM CRUISE. Gav’s been off to see Tenet. BERNIE SANDERS NUDES PICS THANKS. And Log has had a visit from a detective horse who investigates cryptic murders. VIDEO OF CAT.
Alright, we’re done here. Wrap it up and let’s go.
Every time I upload these episodes it asks me to select a genre, and so I scroll down to the “comedy” tag and select it with all the unearned confidence of a Jimmy Carr type person, boldly declaring that what we do is so categorically hilarious that an entire Amazon Web Services database needs to know about it. I am disgusting. Hello.
In this episode, Gav is haunted by real sausages, real mash. Steve encounters a weirdo tutorial in Microsoft Flight Simulator. And Log is here too, an undercurrent of delight in a riptide of shite.
Look, can we just get past the fact that Log recorded the first two-thirds of this podcast underwater? It’s really distracting from the fact that Steve learned loads about a Georgian gardener so that he could be really Irish again. And what about poor Joe? Joe read out an entire email, start to finish! Can he get some applause? No, because Log went underwater, then met a famous person who made him talk about men drinking pant-water. Typical.
Hope you’re hungry, because we’ve cooked up a three course feature meal just for you. For your starter, Joe is not best pleased with the new voice of Kermit the Frog. For your side salad, Steve’s been tucking into a government-funded Wagamama. And for your main? Oh no, Gav tripped and dropped his big pot of soup down an open drain, and now all mice and rats are drinking it. Whoops.
Welcome back to the Regular Features lab where we build clones of the boys for each consecutive week of podcasting. Please WATCH YOUR STEP we spilled some of the juice that makes Log and it will try and slide up your trousers. Anyway, this week our latest batch of semi-conscious homunculi farted out some podcast or other. The Joe one talked about sucking on a PlayStation controller, the Steve thing wrote some popular new fiction about wangs, and the mess we call Gav says a dead man did some singing and then proved it. We’ve since incinerated them all.
THANKS KEVIN MACLEOD:
Night In Venice by Kevin MacLeod
In Your Arms by Kevin MacLeod
Sidewalk Shade by Kevin MacLeod
Friday Morning by Kevin MacLeod
Sancho Panza gets a Latte by Kevin MacLeod