410: Dark Milk Teeth

Open your hearts and close your eyes, fill your boots and empty your pockets, it’s another episode of the Regular Features podcast. In this one, Joe’s been eating in a dark room, Steve’s been investigating his dentist’s personal habits, and Log’s courted sponsors of the dairy variety.

My pasta is boiling over so I must stop writing this description x

409: How To Clean Your Unicorn

Hey Google spiders, wrap your little legs around this bad boy. Steve lays out the steps required to properly disinfect a desk. HOW HIEGHT IS A TOM CRUISE. Gav’s been off to see Tenet. BERNIE SANDERS NUDES PICS THANKS. And Log has had a visit from a detective horse who investigates cryptic murders. VIDEO OF CAT.

Alright, we’re done here. Wrap it up and let’s go.

408: Mac DeMarcosoft Flight Simulator

Every time I upload these episodes it asks me to select a genre, and so I scroll down to the “comedy” tag and select it with all the unearned confidence of a Jimmy Carr type person, boldly declaring that what we do is so categorically hilarious that an entire Amazon Web Services database needs to know about it. I am disgusting. Hello.

In this episode, Gav is haunted by real sausages, real mash. Steve encounters a weirdo tutorial in Microsoft Flight Simulator. And Log is here too, an undercurrent of delight in a riptide of shite.

407: The Brown Email Buffalo

[soundcloud url=”https://soundcloud.com/regularfeatures/407-the-brown-email-buffalo”]

Look, can we just get past the fact that Log recorded the first two-thirds of this podcast underwater? It’s really distracting from the fact that Steve learned loads about a Georgian gardener so that he could be really Irish again. And what about poor Joe? Joe read out an entire email, start to finish! Can he get some applause? No, because Log went underwater, then met a famous person who made him talk about men drinking pant-water. Typical.

406: Eating Out Kermit

[soundcloud url=”https://soundcloud.com/regularfeatures/406-eating-out-kermit”]

Hope you’re hungry, because we’ve cooked up a three course feature meal just for you. For your starter, Joe is not best pleased with the new voice of Kermit the Frog. For your side salad, Steve’s been tucking into a government-funded Wagamama. And for your main? Oh no, Gav tripped and dropped his big pot of soup down an open drain, and now all mice and rats are drinking it. Whoops.

404: Morricone’s Boner Music

[soundcloud url=”https://soundcloud.com/regularfeatures/404-morricones-boner-music”]

Welcome back to the Regular Features lab where we build clones of the boys for each consecutive week of podcasting. Please WATCH YOUR STEP we spilled some of the juice that makes Log and it will try and slide up your trousers. Anyway, this week our latest batch of semi-conscious homunculi farted out some podcast or other. The Joe one talked about sucking on a PlayStation controller, the Steve thing wrote some popular new fiction about wangs, and the mess we call Gav says a dead man did some singing and then proved it. We’ve since incinerated them all.

THANKS KEVIN MACLEOD:

Night In Venice by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://ift.tt/3jkpmGD
License: https://ift.tt/1iwynXF

In Your Arms by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://ift.tt/2WxEGWV
License: https://ift.tt/1iwynXF

Sidewalk Shade by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://ift.tt/2CIyh3Y
License: https://ift.tt/1iwynXF

Friday Morning by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://ift.tt/3hg476W
License: https://ift.tt/1iwynXF

Sancho Panza gets a Latte by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://ift.tt/3h5tKaK
License: https://ift.tt/1iwynXF

403: Werner Herzog’s Coin Drafts

[soundcloud url=”https://soundcloud.com/regularfeatures/403-werner-herzogs-coin-drafts”]

[apologies for one CRACKLY mic, your headphones are FINE]

Hey, it’s another piping hot rod of Regular Features. You could set your watch to these recent few episodes, but it would be a very bad watch and you’d frequently show up to appointments days late, banging on the windows and demanding to be allowed inside for your mani-pedi or whatever it is that readers do these days.

In this one: Log gingerly fingers his way through his drafts folder. Steve fingerly gingers his way through Rishi Sunak’s new budget. And Joe smingerly dingers his twinger until it makes a real mess all over Jeremy Clarkson… in a Werner Herzog voice!

Love ya x