Think of a breakfast meat. Now think of a member of the royal family. You were thinking of Black Pudding Camilla weren’t you? No? Oh right, then you must have been thinking about the big man himself, ol’ Charlie boy and his beautiful sausage fingers, each one inflated to 240PSI and fit to burst at the knuckles.

Log has done a feature all about what it must be like to be those fingers. Steve’s been humming a little song about beans all day. Joe attends, clutching his pearls and screeching uncontrollably.