Do you think they added the “and decorator” bit to “painter and decorator” because people kept accidentally booking watercolourists to come in and do the spare room? Like these painters kept showing up with their easels, and the person’s like, “you won’t be needing that buddy-boy, here’s some Farrow & Ball”, and then we cut to the Tate Modern and there’s a contractor rolling a second undercoat on to a Rothko while the guards try to rugby tackle him.

Anyway in this one Joe overhears a fleshy conversation on the tube. Steve’s been to see ABBA Voyage. Gav has a Kebab Awards update.