Honey by Regular Features

5.00 out of 5
(6 customer reviews)


Out of stock

SKU: HONNI Category:


“Hi homo, I’m honey!

That’s what you can say to your favourite gay friends when you pretend to be this 400g jar of delicious raw, pure, small batch honey. Honey made by bees so friendly they’ll bump their little furry bodies against your forehead, which is how bees say “what’s up”. Steve and Gav visited these bees, and they got on so well that the bees agreed to pump out jar after jar of exclusive honey for Regular Features.

We offered to give them all bee names in return, but Beebella Lawson (one of the bees) said they already had bee names, so they’d have to insist on money. We tried to offer them *better* bee names, but Bee On A Woman’s Face Do You Punch It (Y/N) (another bee) said he was actually very happy with his bee name, despite its length and unusual format, and we’d definitely have to pay for the honey.

So, maybe you’ve got a loved one who needs honey for a reason they won’t tell you about. Maybe there’s someone you know who will gain some pleasure from the fact that a podcast you both listen to has taken their bee joke too far. Whatever the reason, there IS a reason to buy a jar of Honey by Regular Features.

The £20 price includes UK delivery. Upsettingly, we can’t post it outside the UK because it is extremely illegal. They do whole TV programmes about food going through customs, and I should know, because they’re always on when I visit my mum. The absolute second-to-last thing we want is to accidentally post a wallaby-murdering spider to the outback.

Look at that label. It’s got a bee on it! If you liked that, cop a load of THIS

Labels galore! Every jar of honey comes positively festooned with one of these immaculately designed labels. Labels which discharge our legal food labelling duty in much the same way that bees discharge great crunchy wads of honey whenever they see a hexagon.

So kick out the jams, plump up your favourite cushion, and unscrew the lid on a jar of Honey by Regular Features. Then dip your finger in and suck the honey off while your partner slithers around your calves, hoping a single drip stretches into their wide-open mouth. That’s the Honey by Regular Features promise.

6 reviews for Honey by Regular Features

  1. 5 out of 5


    This is so much tastier than the McElroy gravy granules I bought on the dark web

  2. 5 out of 5


    I ate this honey, and my arms fell off and I got wings and I married a bee wife and now *I* make honey.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Alice Einsteigen, To Bee Town! (verified owner)

    It is honey.

  4. 5 out of 5


    I like this more than I like my horse Bingo Tits.

    In fact I’ve gone right off horses, and now fully enjoy this sweet bee piss.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Simon HalfArrQuarvey

    I bought one of these and it made my children excel at school, my dogs are now adept at signing legal paperwork, and my wife has entered into a cocoon like state – who knows what will emerge afterwards but I have no doubt it can only lead to good things!

    I have since bought six more jars and given them to my friends which has also resulted in child academic success, canine judicial prowess and further spouse chrysalis mysteries.


  6. 5 out of 5

    Nick Sheridan

    Bought this for my grandson’s computer, he hasn’t told me if he likes it yet.

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