Honey by Regular Features

Description

“Hi homo, I’m honey!”

That’s what you can say to your favourite gay friends when you pretend to be this 400g jar of delicious raw, pure, small batch honey. Honey made by bees so friendly they’ll bump their little furry bodies against your forehead, which is how bees say “what’s up”. Steve and Gav visited these bees, and they got on so well that the bees agreed to pump out jar after jar of exclusive honey for Regular Features.

We offered to give them all bee names in return, but Beebella Lawson (one of the bees) said they already had bee names, so they’d have to insist on money. We tried to offer them *better* bee names, but Bee On A Woman’s Face Do You Punch It (Y/N) (another bee) said he was actually very happy with his bee name, despite its length and unusual format, and we’d definitely have to pay for the honey.

So, maybe you’ve got a loved one who needs honey for a reason they won’t tell you about. Maybe there’s someone you know who will gain some pleasure from the fact that a podcast you both listen to has taken their bee joke too far. Whatever the reason, there IS a reason to buy a jar of Honey by Regular Features.

The £20 price includes UK delivery. Upsettingly, we can’t post it outside the UK because it is extremely illegal. They do whole TV programmes about food going through customs, and I should know, because they’re always on when I visit my mum. The absolute second-to-last thing we want is to accidentally post a wallaby-murdering spider to the outback.

Look at that label. It’s got a bee on it! If you liked that, cop a load of THIS

Labels galore! Every jar of honey comes positively festooned with one of these immaculately designed labels. Labels which discharge our legal food labelling duty in much the same way that bees discharge great crunchy wads of honey whenever they see a hexagon.

So kick out the jams, plump up your favourite cushion, and unscrew the lid on a jar of Honey by Regular Features. Then dip your finger in and suck the honey off while your partner slithers around your calves, hoping a single drip stretches into their wide-open mouth. That’s the Honey by Regular Features promise.